Trauma can take many beastly forms: it can represent a past relationship, a past event, or multiple events strung together to create an even bigger monster. Human beings are resilient. Part of this resiliency is built into our DNA to protect us when we may not be able to protect ourselves.
When a person experiences something traumatic, the body engages in something called "Fight, Flight, or Freeze." This is built into our biology as a way to protect us from threats. Biology takes over and attempts to protect us, which can feel overwhelming. Often people think: "Why didn't I do more?" "Why didn't I fight back?" "Why don't I remember anything?" It can feel as if control or choice was taken away, when really biology is choosing for us.
Biology then tucks away this response and is ready to use it twice as fast the next time. The body then deploys that response if the beast returns. Often with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, this response returns when there is no threat, which can feel debilitating and scary. Maybe this response is deployed when there is a loud noise, or a partner reminds us of a past abuser; or maybe our thoughts wander and we begin to think of past memories. This can often feel like involuntary time traveling, the body’s response is engaged and it can feel like you are back in the past, facing that beast.
This is often the most overwhelming part of PTSD. It can feel as if you are stuck in the past, as if you are dreaming and know you are awake but cannot return. It is important to remember that these biological responses can be reset. This sensation of traveling back in time can be addressed and dulled through therapy and support from loved ones. It is also important to remember that because this is a biological response, you are not alone. Many people who have experienced trauma or prolonged anxiety have these moments where they feel panic or feel stuck in the past. It can feel isolating.
This is a reminder to hold hope for the future, where there is less involuntary time traveling and more of living in the moment with loved ones and a new beginning. If you are not able to hold that hope at the moment, let your therapist or loved one hold it for you as you begin your journey to conquer trauma, so that you may hold that hope when you are ready.
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